Bernie Clarkson walked a mile a day on Christ Church Green throughout October, raising money for Pancreatic Cancer UK and taking time to remember her friend Jill, who died last year
Tennessee Williams said: “Life is partly what you make it, and partly what it is made by the friends we choose.” At the time of writing, I’m walking a mile a day in October in remembrance of my good friend Jill. Jill died about a year ago and I think I’m still coming to terms with that, so I decided to take time each morning to think about our friendship and also to raise money and awareness for the charity Pancreatic Cancer UK, the disease she died of.
Her death has made me think about friendship, and the quote above, which makes a point about ‘choosing’ friends, made me consider whether we choose friends or is there some strange chemistry that draws people together in true friendship?
I got to know Jill through another friend. We were often together in big groups of parents and children, slowly getting to know each other through shared experiences, both good and bad, happy and sad, building a history together and connecting in ways we didn’t even realise. Divorce also featured in the conversations, and sadly, the death of her beautiful son, Dan. We made a point of being there for each other.
However, I don’t want to think about Jill with sadness; she’d never have wanted that. So spending 30 minutes each morning thinking about her friendship and raising awareness and money feels like a gift.
Firstly, I have a sense of her walking with me. Weirdly, it’s as if she’s a warm shawl wrapped around my shoulders and it feels so good to think of her in this way. Secondly, the whole process of walking each morning is slowing me down in a very positive way, even if it’s just for 30 minutes. It’s as if I’m saying everything else can wait, this is important. Thirdly, I stop taking everything for granted in those precious walks. I remember nothing is certain, no matter how many organisational lists we make planning our day, sorting out tomorrow and next week and next year. We literally don’t know what the rest of the day has in store for us.
So, instead, I really try and look at what’s in front of me. Trees, autumn leaves, squirrels, dogs, crows, the church, park benches, rays of sunshine, and attempt to have a sense of gratitude for all the things my beautiful local nature walk is offering.
I know soon normal life will resume and local, national and international issues will once again dominate my thoughts and, of course, we can’t always be in a strolling, reflective mood, but it was so wonderful to carve out that 30 minutes in October each day. Thank you, Jill, thank you, Christ Church Green and, weirdly, thank you, Pancreatic Cancer UK for giving me the incentive to actually engage in life rather than charge through it.
To make a donation to Bernie’s fundraiser, visit wnstd.com/31miles
